I'M STILL CRYING...

<<Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,
Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true...>>

(Could It Be Any Harder - The Calling)

He, the one who is thirty-four but he looks like older...

He, the one who is odd, shy but also funny...

He, the one who isn't rich but he wants to pay the dinner...

He, the one who has got a pair of beautiful blue eyes like the ocean, but those eyes have seen only the abyss of that ocean...

He, the one who is a simple person, clear, with an unbelievable sweetness and an endless kindness...

He, the one who is so happy that he accidentally has knocked over his beer on my jeans...

He, the one who his life seems a drammatic movie with the hope for the happy end...

He, the one who is always saying "I'm sorry" because his english is not so perfect...

He, the one who is a single father because his half side decided to leave them...

He, the one who his eyes filled with tears while he said how much he loved his son...

He, the one who is a stranger but he's making me cry since we said goodbye one another and we came back to our own home...

He, the one who deserves to be happy and this life doesn't grant it...

Then, tell me please, where was God while all that was happening?

...And I'm still crying...

MY HEART: THE HARDEST PART

<< The sea's evaporated
Though it comes as no surprise
These clouds we're seeing
Their explosions in the sky
It seems it's written
But we can't read between the line
Hush
It's okay
Dry your eye
Dry your eye >>

(Sleeping with ghosts - Placebo)

Sometimes I feel sad.

Sometimes I feel alone.

Tears grow up from my eyes suddenly…in the night…while the town is asleep…when nobody can see me, when nobody can hear me, when nobody can pay attention to my silence which loud out more than a million of people who are talking altogether at the same moment.

The dark, the stars and the moon…they are the only ones shy witnesses of my sorrow.

I try to sleep just saying to myself: “don’t you worry Mary, someday you’ll be fine…”

Shall I? Who knows…

And then I look up to the sky and I start thinking him, my unknown soulmate…

They say that for every person in this earth there’s another one who has been made specifically for oneself. Is it true? It might be…

I stare at the sky and I wonder if he is watching the same stars and I try to pay attention and I look for his glance which maybe the starlight can reflect.

Are you thinking of me? Are you wondering where I am? …Or what am I doing? Are you wondering if I miss you? …or if I need you?

Where are you now? I wish you were here…

I look back on myself and I wonder where I went wrong.

I’ve been thinking that it was me in wrong…but I know now…I wasn’t…

When you trusted in someone and that one disappoint you, you start thinking you are guilty and you are the one to blame. It’s hurts. It’s hurts because, deep inside, you know you was right and you can’t pay every time for the someone else’s carelessness.

I’m tired to wait. I’m tired to suffer. I’m tired to cry.

I need you and I need you now! Where are you? How can I find you? How can I guide you home?

Tell me…did you ever cry for love? Did you ever in love? Did you ever love?

If my hope to meet you can be compared to the light then night will not being ever more.

I wish you held my hand, I wish you smiled at me at the morning, I wish you could make me laugh with your funny tales, I wish you would let me no more. 

I know…I told I’m tired…but to be honest I think I’ll never stop waiting for you.

I’m sure, we’ll have the chance to meet us in this life. It MUST happen.

I hope you’re happy, I hope your  heart is away from any sorrow. I hope your life is full of good things. I hope you are loved anyway.

I’ll find you I know. I’ll find you in a day like the other ones, I’ll find you when I’m not looking for you, and it will happen in that way, by chance…

I’ve faith in that…I believe in that so much that I’ve tattooed this hope on my skin, right on my back, and it sounds like a prayer: Soulmates Never Die.

<< Hush, it’s ok…

dry your eyes.

‘Cause Soulmates never die…>>

I FEEL LIKE HOME

<< Lights will guide you home,

and ignite your bones.

And I will try to fix you >>

(I fix you - Coldplay)

I’m tired. I’ve been ironed for two days! Yesterday I received my stuff from Italy so I spent my time to tidy up my things into this my new home!

Let me say: I’ve ironed about 200 clothes (t-shirts, shirts, dresses, pants…and more!)

Then I’ve placed my books, cds, dvds, my drawings, and of course my “dreamcatcher” at the top of my bed!

It’s strange to see my personal things here with me, on the other side of the world into a new home…

In the afternoon I’ve had a break and I’ve been seated in my balcony which in finnish is called “lasitettu” reading a book…a special book. It’s been written by one of my special friends “Emanuele Dabbono” an extraordinary guy, a beautiful mind, a wonderful soul. He is a songwriter, he is a Poet, he is a dreamer. He has taught to me so many things about this our own life. “Never give up, Mary” he says “never stop dreaming...”. In my dark moments he’s been as an angelic guide, a sort of a lighthouse into a storm, a north star in the night, the hand which held tight my hand when I thought I was going down to the abyss. He made me strong and brave and he helped me to stay up when everything was against me and the sky seemed to crash down upon me.

There are persons who come into your life by chance, very special persons who help you before you ask them, persons who are always present even if they live miles and miles away from you. Because distances are nothing if there’s no distance between hearts. Friendship is all that. To heard the sound of a tears in the night, listen to the silence of the soul, to feel the sorrow of the heart. These are the things that a very special friend can do for you. A shelter from the rain…this means to me…Thank you Poet…

Another day is over…another day in my Finland.

I can’t help thinking I’m here for real. This time isn’t a dream, isn’t a desire, this time it’s true. I’m here. Every time I watch through the window I can see the blue sky, the green and majestic trees, Pekka (a squirrel) which runs through the branches, the Finns who come out from the sauna and they cross the little park (common area) without their clothes but only with a bath towel around their waist just covering the "so-called-forbidden-zone" or in other lucky case they wear a bathrobe! Sometimes the Finns look very odd to me. They are so bizarre and they do strange things…but, let me say that people: they are funny! They are the funniest creatures in this world! Friendly, odd, shy, polite, kind and beautiful too. Yes, because you have to know that Finns are beautiful: in, out and all around.

Wonderful souls, into a beautiful shell, with a beautiful mind. I love Finnish people. Their culture and traditions, their past, their history, their being the way they are make them wonderful people.

I feel honoured and I thank my fate every night before I go to sleep for its permission of let me stay among to these people. I love them and I love this Country more and more, day after day. I know that this Country and these people can turn me into a better person.

I feel blessed…

I feel lucky…

I feel happy… 

Finland is my heart.

I love you my motherland, thanks for keeping me at your home...

IN THE LAP OF THE GODS

<< It's so easy, but I can't do it
So risky - but I gotta chance it
It's so funny, there's nothing to laugh about
My money, that's all you wanna talk about
I can see what you want me to be
But I'm no fool

It's in the lap of the Gods...>>
(Freddie Mercury - In the lap of the Gods)

It’s a quiet Saturday morning here in Finland. The sky is blue, temperature is nicely and snow is about to thaw.

I’m watching a little child who is playing in the garden with her toys. She seems happy to enjoy this sunny spring day and she smile at her mummy waving her spade and throwing away the sand all around her. She’s pretty! She wears a blue sweat suit, a pink jacket with hood and a pair of pink sneakers! She’s so beautiful! She looks like a little elf!

The Sun…yeah! Do you have any idea how beautiful is the sun in Finland? It has a different light… In my opinion is more shining and get wonderful the already wonderful blue sky. Everything is magic in Finland, in every season of the year.

Now, in spring, you can attend to the awakening of the nature. Trees start to get green, squirrels come out from their holes, seagulls flight over the sky and you can hear them everywhere…

Some flower are blooming up from the snow, air is cool, people start to leave at home their hats and they put on their sunglasses. It’s sounds like a new start. It’s seems in according with my own situation. I’m come back to life…

I’m still waiting for an important answer…it’s about a potential job. I hope I’ll get it. I need it.

Having a job it means free entrance to the Finnish system, social life, and everything is useful for the staying. Because I want to stay. I want to stay and living here. I love this place.

Since the time I’ve known this wonderful Country my desire was to set up a new life here.

I do want to be part of this little world, full of nice people and true values. I want to know everything about this wild land and its culture. I want to know more about its history, its past and the mores. And then I want to be able to speak Finnish! I’m trying so hard to study it…it’s difficult but not impossible. How surely every good Finn says: “Sky is the limit!” So, stop chatting and go to study!

“Mary, you’ve got the Sisu so then you’ll do it!”  (What a good mantra, uh?)

Joking aside…I’m serious…

 I want to live…to grow up…to get older…and to die here. I do want be useful for myself and for this Country I love so much. I want my bones someday (so far I hope!) can be buried down into this ground and then, when all that will happen, "we" can be as one.

Sometimes (as it’s happening right now, in this moment) tears fall down upon my face…I don’t know why…

Maybe because I’m about to find my way…or maybe because this place makes me feel like home…

Or simply because I know it’s the place where I belong.

God bless (my wonderful) Finland…

JOB SEEKING...

The hardest part: to find a job!

It's a little bit complicated to apply for a job... You have too much information and you don't know where you have to start!

Labour market and its system it's not so easy for a foreigner. They said that Finnish language isn't necessary for some kind of works but you have to know Finnish language, if you want to be able to read job advertisement and to apply for them! You can also find job advertisement in english but are few. But don't you worry...you can use a good translator and you'll solve that problem! :)

Jobs where Finnish language isn't always necessary are: in bar, pub, restaurants if you have no contact with public. In cleaning enterprise and some firm works as a worker!

I'm trying to apply for those kind of jobs...just after I'll be able to understand how the labour system works!

I think it's hard but not impossible. You have to be active and you have to search a job in different ways.

A good thing is to go to the nearest "TE Office" and to talk with the clerks which can help you to move the first steps for get your staying easier as well as possible.

About the rest it's great. Spring is came. I can see the squirrels going out from their holes and enjoy the sun.

My neighbours are getting barbecue ready for their first grill of the season. An old man is putting some brushwood into the barbecue and then he's about to burn up. Mates: I think this evening they'll have a party! Hahah! :) Let me guess: meat on the grill and wine and beer into their glasses. I foresee that this night is going to be not so peaceful...uhahahah! :)

Drunken Finns are funny...they start to laugh and to sing...hahah...what a crazy people...I love them! :)

MY FIRST WEEK IN FINLAND

"Silence is the key..."

My first week in Finland has been great!

I’m a little tired because of all the things I had to do in these last seven days but, believe me folks, it’s a priceless sensation. Everything around me is Finnish!

Here is all that I’ve learned this week:

• Milk without lactose in Finnish is called “Laktoositon Maito"
• The daily ticket for domestic transport is called “Seutu”
• Train, tram and bus are always in time
• Never go to Ikea in the afternoon because the last bus (for go back at home) is at 6 pm
• Finnish houses are warmth inside and when you arrive at home you have less than 2 minutes for get undress or you’ll have a little sauna and you can test by yourself an advanced diet program in which you can loose 1 kilo per minute!
• Finnish people are crazy, funny, polite, friendly and odd but I love them anyway!
• In Finland you can have a sunny and nicely day in the morning and cold and snow in the evening
• In Finland you don’t find swallows or pigeons, you’ll find seagulls! They are everywhere! And of course, in according with the gothic style, the grey crows of course
• If you ask a Finn for a piece of information about streets o places you are looking for, he would be sure you reach it and he’ll see you at that street or place if necessary
• Speak in Finnish with the Finns and you’ll make them very happy!

Finland is the Country where I belong…

HAUSKA TUTUSTUA!

On Monday my aunt and I went to Helsinki. We’ve taken the train from the station in my district and we were ready to visit “the capital”. There was a problem! In that train they didn’t sell tickets! (yes, because in Finland you can buy your ticket directly on the train) so then we’ve decided to get off at the next station and to buy the tickets there. But there was another problem: no ticket office there! Fuck! My aunt has suggested me to ask a guy for further information. He was there waiting for the train and drinking some beer. “Excuse me, can you tell me where we can buy tickets?”

He told me that we could buy the tickets on the train but we had to get at the “correct” compartment! Next train would be came by 15 minutes so we had the time to talk a little…

He asked me where I was from, why I was in Finland, how long I was planned to stay and so on.

When I answered him “…I want to live here forever…” he was surprised and he told me “Why??? Why here? For all this!” and he pointed at the grey and rainy sky! :) “Yes…” I said “…for all that…and more…”

We talked until the train came and afterwards. He told me that my English was better than yours and he asked me to teach him! “Do you think my English is perfect?” I said. “Yes! It’s fast and good! I’m not able to speak in that way…” he answered. I was surprise… So I told him that I could teach him English language but he had to teach me Finnish language! “that’s it!” he said.

We arrived at Helsinki and he gave to me his mobile number saying I could call him for a walk in Helsinki next week-end…

“That’s it!”

My New Life - The beginning!

Usually a new life starts with ticket plane in your hands. Mine it’s a one-way ticket from Milan to Helsinki. Yeah, Finland!

After 3 hours I was at home…my new home. I’ve looked at that door for a moment then I put in the key and I’ve opened it…”Yes! That’s my home! My Finnish home!”

I’ve left my luggage into the closet and I’ve took a look all around. The kitchen, the living room, the bedroom and the bathroom. Then the “balcony” that in Finnish is called: "lasitettu".

“Wow! I’m at home! I’m at home!”

I placed the dog’s bowls in a comfortable corner and I’ve feed him! It was really happy…it seems to be excited too about this our new house!

I’ve took a look again while a smile was growing up from my face “I’m at home” I said to myself “I’m at home…”

The day after I woke up into a finnish bed, placed into a finnish room, part of a finnish house!

I’ve looked through the finnish windows, covered by finnish curtains and I’ve seen the finnish sky, the finnish crows and the finnish pine trees!

I’ve woke up and I’ve gone out with my dog for its first walk of the day breathing finnish air, walking along a finnish street and seeing finnish people. “Yeah! I’m at home mates!”

I’ve came back at home and I’ve had my first finnish breakfast! It wasn’t a typical finnish breakfast but all the things I ate yes, they were! Not milk but “maito” with “sokeri” and “kofeiiniton pikakahvi” and some “kaura-omena” biscuits ehm, sorry, “keksit”

“Yes! I’m at home folks!!!”

THE NIGHT BEFORE LEAVING

<< You can be anything you want to be,

just turn yourself into anything  that you think you could ever be...>>

(Freddie Mercury - Innuendo)

The time came.
It was the last night of her old life. Tomorrow was close and she couldn’t sleep.
No thoughts were into here mind only a desire of change.
She wanted to change her life for the better.
She was about to do it.

Only few hours were separating her from a new life. Only few hours more and she would be born again.
She glanced at her luggage and all those things had made feel her like at home and she fell asleep sweetly.

"I'll tell you a story. A story about a girl and her dream.

I'll tell you a story. A story about a girl who wanted to change her life for the better.

I'll tell you a story. A story about a girl who was about to make that step.

I'll tell you a story...

My own story..."